[SOL! Verse - Auld Lang Syne]

[nyota_uhura24]

The night she'd spent with Jim felt like a dream. She wasn't entirely sure it was real, but when she checked her bag and found the precious books he'd given her, the intensity of the emotions came flooding back to her: how happy she'd been when he pressed his lips to hers in the snow, how right it felt to have him wrapped around her, how her heart had shattered when she had to walk out the door the next morning. Having one night together gave her something wonderful to remember, but that wasn't making it any easier to let go. And how much harder is it going to be when I actually see him? she wondered, dreading that she'd have to hide her feelings and simultaneously wishing the days would pass more quickly so she could just see his smile and hear his music again.

The diner was always closed in between Christmas and New Year's, which meant she wouldn't see Jim for almost a week. The days consisted mostly of spending time with her family, of singing and cooking and eating and laughing. Normally they were some of the days she cherished most, but it was hard to keep her mind from drifting to Jim. Daydreams about him weren't unusual, but they were so much more tangible now that she knew what it felt like for him to kiss her and hold her and tell her he loved her. There were other fantasies too, less clear but no less affecting. She told herself over and over again that she shouldn't be thinking about such things, but her heart didn't want to listen.

As usual, the Ojuremi family was part of the Uhura family celebrations, but seeing Trent and his mother was even harder than normal, their matching smiles a kind but painful reminder of the life she was supposed to live. Seeing her father's smiling face, tinged with the sadness of loss, was the only thing that kept the smile on her face. It was a relief that he didn't realize where she'd been on Christmas Eve. In fact, only Nadhari realized she hadn't come back until morning. As expected her cousin demanded an explanation, and Nyota had admitted to being with a man, though she claimed it was someone Nadhari didn't know. Her cousin seemed to believe her when she insisted that they hadn't done anything. “I know,” her cousin said gently, smile softening when the teasing was clearly hurting. “I know you, Nyota.”

No one else seemed to suspect anything out of the ordinary, even if she occasionally caught Chiedza and Amani giving her questioning looks. It was strange that something so life-changing and earth-shattering could happen and she would seem no different. She tried not to feel guilty, but it wasn't exactly working. I didn't do anything wrong, even if no one else would see it that way.

Finally New Year's Eve rolled around. Uhura's was technically open, but almost everyone there was either family or a regular. Amani, Ikinya, and her younger cousins were there too; her father didn't usually like to bring them to the diner but New Year's was an exception. The Uhura women, along with Mr. Maathai, cooked traditional Kenyan bar-b-q. Nyota also found time to chase her younger cousins around the diner and to read them stories when they could be made to sit still long enough. As it got later, they were gradually put to sleep in her father's office.

Jim played beautifully, as always. It was hard to believe that anyone who saw her face wouldn't realize what she felt for him, so she tried not to look at him too often, tried to make sure her behavior was nothing but friendly. We're not allowed anything more, she reminded herself firmly. The longer it took her to accept this, the more it was going to hurt. When he stopped playing, she firmly resisted the urge to seek him out, and focused instead on her conversation with Adimu and Nadhari.

She couldn't help being aware of him, however, and forced herself not to speak to him as he walked towards the counter. Adimu, unfortunately, had other ideas. “Jim,” she greeted him warmly, placing a hand on his shoulder and smiling as if she'd known him for ages. "You play such beautiful music."