[SOL! Verse - Walk a Mile in My Shoes]

[nyota_uhura24]

Nyota couldn't wait to get out of the house. The atmosphere had been tense ever since Kamau had come home bruised and bloody on Saturday night. She'd heard him arguing with their father the day before, but went into the room she shared with Sadiki and closed the door, not really wanting to hear anymore. They seemed to have reached a tentative truce, and she wanted to believe that the matter was over, but some part of her knew that even if they could let go of this particular incident this wasn't really the end. It wasn't the first time Kamau's choices had caused tension, and it certainly wouldn't be the last.

In any event, she was more than happy to bid farewell to her family for the evening. It wasn't even a lie to say she was going to meet a friend, even if there was no reason to inform her family that she was going to see Jim and he was going to teach her to dance. She shook off the feelings of guilt and focused on the fact that she was finally going to do something she'd been dreaming about since she was a little girl. Dancing with him in the diner was more fun than she'd ever imagined it could be. It simply felt right to move that way to the music, to be held in his arms. She wanted to feel that way again, slightly breathless but completely comfortable. In the process, she knew she'd have the opportunity to learn more about the man whose music spoke to her before they'd even introduced themselves. There was no denying that Jim was unlike anyone she'd known before; she looked forward to him constantly surprising her, and to how much she smiled when he was around. Seeing him always made her day a little brighter.

She tried to ignore the little fluttering in her chest as she got off the 2 subway at the stop closest to his house. She didn't go to the Bronx often, so she couldn't help looking around curiously as she walked to his apartment building, high heels clicking softly on the pavement. They seemed like the right shoes for dancing. When she got to the top floor she took a deep breath, feeling suddenly slightly nervous, and knocked.

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[owns-the-chair.livejournal.com]

Her movements gradually softened and slowed, and he chastised himself for feeling bereft of her touch already. She was still rubbing his back gently, her touch more caressing than massaging, so it was stupid to feel like she'd already pulled away. While she'd requested that he speak as openly as he'd asked her to, he very much doubted she knew just how dangerous a thing she asked of him. He swallowed thickly, hoping his voice didn't come across as hoarse with need and desire as it sounded to his own ears.

"I want so many things... Maybe someday, I'll be able to tell you about them," he murmured and turned his head to look at her. He had no doubt he was a little flushed, his eyes betraying his desire, but he had a vague hope she wouldn't know how to interpret the look. Shifting a little, he bit back a moan as the movement caused some rather pleasurable but entirely inappropriate friction to his groin. He'd need more than a moment to calm himself before he was anywhere near presentable to see her to the door, or even stand up, despite the low lighting of the room.

Her hands were still moving in tantalizing circles over his skin, and it was almost as if she was as reluctant to end the contact as he was. It stoked a small hope withing him, and maybe he was deluding himself, but he'd at least let himself take this small chance. Unwinding his arms from under the pillow, he rested his head on one and reached out with the other to put his hand on her knee, watching with fascination as his thumb caressed her lightly. "I don't know, is there? Something you've missed?" His eyes flicked up to her face, looking at her openly and guilelessly.

[nyota-uhura24.livejournal.com]

She was still tracing light patterns on his back, and even though she really could have stopped already it was pleasant to keep touching him like this. It's beneficial to soothe the muscles, she thought firmly, not understanding why she felt the need to justify what she was doing. His words made her brow furrow slightly in confusion, and she couldn't quite interpret the hoarseness in his voice. The way he looked at her was even stranger, but it made her heart flutter even though she didn't know what she was seeing in his eyes. Why can't he tell me now? “You can tell me whatever you want to tell me,” she said softly.

The moment his hand touched her knee, a shock of heat went through her, and she tore her gaze away from his eyes to watch his thumb move over her skin. Then she looked back at his face, at that open but somehow completely unreadable expression. “I... don't think so?” She hadn't meant it to come across as a question, but she felt as if she didn't even know what he was asking her, much less how to answer. She bit down on the urge to reply I think I missed something important and just tried to smile. Suddenly she realized that she was still running her hands along his skin, and she pulled them back. “It's getting late, Jim. I should probably go home. Can I.. come back next week?”

[owns-the-chair.livejournal.com]

A few long, tense moments passed where each slide of his thumb on her knee sent little sparks of heat up through his hand and through his body, only to be ricocheted by the feel of her hands on his back. His eyes fluttered a little, but he kept her gaze locked with his, awaiting her response.

It came, and the small hope he'd kindled extinguished. He lowered his eyes and withdrew his hand just after she removed hers. He felt the loss of contact keenly, but it was for the best, he'd obviously misread the situation and now, he just had to suck it up and move on. Easy, right? He did it all the time, just take a deep breath, set your jaw and move on...

"Yeah, of course. Not letting you off that easy, you still have a lot to learn," he sighed and turned his face into the pillow again, stretching his body to its full length and tried to will his arousal to dissipate. It worked. A little. Not nearly enough. "Gimme a moment and I'll walk you out," he said with a bitten back groan as he shifted a little and recited about ten different cardinalities in his head.

[nyota-uhura24.livejournal.com]

Nyota tried not to feel bereft when Jim took away both the blue of his eyes and the strange heat his fingers sent through her. The way he had touched her and looked at her made it almost seem as if... but that's impossible. There's no way he could...

But even if he didn't, she couldn't deny that even though he was no longer touching her, she still felt tingly and warm, in places that didn't normally react this way to simple touches. She tried to keep the horror off her face as the meaning of these reactions slowly started to sink in. It was completely and utterly inappropriate to feel this way, and she desperately tried to will away daydreams of what it would be like to keep touching him.

It was a relief that his face was turned into the pillow, but it still took her a moment to realize that he'd actually responded to her question. “I'm looking forward to it,” she managed. “I... I need a glass of water.” She stood up and tried to keep herself from running away from the bed, vowing that he would never know that she reacted this way to him. This was why there was supposed to be a limit to how much men and women who weren't married touched each other, but it felt so natural to do this with Jim, especially after the dancing and the foot massage. She forced herself to take deep breaths and refilled her water glass, finally remembering that she probably ought to offer to get him some as well. "Do you want some water?" she asked, hoping that her voice sounded normal.

[owns-the-chair.livejournal.com]

If he hadn't been battling his own inappropriate reaction, hers would have made him get up and apologize. It was clear by the tone of her voice that he'd made her uncomfortable, and he just hoped she hadn't guessed the exact reason why he wasn't able to get up right away.

Even in her moves were still carefully measured to seem calm, it didn't take a genius to know just how much distance she wanted to put between them right now. He mentally kicked himself for being an idiot and mumbled out a polite "No thanks," into the pillow, knowing his voice sounded just a little bit strained.

Her reaction did have if not its good sides, then at least its effective ones. It helped too that she'd put some distance between them, and he pushed himself up and sat on the bed, still feeling a need to apologize to her. He doubted it would do anything but embarrass her further if he did, though, so he wisely kept his mouth shut and ran a hand through his hair before he got up. It was dark enough that she hopefully wouldn't be able to tell the lingering effects of the massage, and he'd mostly gotten himself under control now.

He waited until she'd drained her glass of water, then moved to the door. "So, I'll see you Thursday at the diner? We can talk more about our plans for Christmas then, if you've had a chance to run them by your father..." Remembering that she'd left her coat on the armchair, he moved to get it and held it out for her to put on. He had an unpleasant feeling his mom would be proud of his display of manners.

[nyota-uhura24.livejournal.com]

She nodded at his reply, which was pointless because he wasn't looking at her, but she couldn't quite bring herself to speak. Her mind was still reeling from the fact that touching him made her want, in ways that she really shouldn't. She gulped down the glass of water and tried to calm her racing heart.

When he finally stood, she resisted the urge to bolt, sure that she must be giving herself away. “I'll talk to him,” she said, not quite able to meet his eyes as she walked towards the door. “It might take a little convincing, but I think he'll agree.” She tried to focus her mind on the plans they'd made for Christmas, not the fact that just hearing him speak sent a little shiver through her.

He brought her coat, and she turned so that he could help her put it on. “Thank you,” she managed, feeling inordinately guilty. She was fairly certain he could tell she was acting strangely, and that wasn't fair after everything he'd done for her. I don't want to ruin this, she thought firmly, and after her coat was on she turned to face him, the smile on her face far more genuine as she remembered everything he'd done for her today. “Thank you for the dance lessons, for dinner, for the foot massage... and for showing me that my surroundings aren't as hard to change as I sometimes think they are.” And for making me laugh when I sort of wanted to cry. “Goodnight, Jim.”

[owns-the-chair.livejournal.com]

She most of all reminded him of a deer caught in the headlights of a car whenever he got within five feet of her, and he did his best to give her the distance she obviously desired. It concerned him because he really had tried to be discreet about it all, but he'd obviously crossed a line he shouldn't and offended her.

He doubted she'd be back the following Monday, even if she said so now. If there was one thing he'd learned about her, it was that she was impeccably polite when she was uncertain or uncomfortable. And he'd just been a completely insensitive ass and made her uncomfortable, all because she happened to be beautiful and intelligent and everything he really liked in a woman.

He was very careful not to touch her more than absolutely necessary when he helped her on with her coat, and it seemed to work, because her smile was more genuine, more like it had been earlier when she turned around to face him again. "You're more than welcome," he responded in earnest to her thanks and clamped firmly down on the impulse to touch her cheek again.

He hesitated a moment, reluctant to let her go, reluctant to let this night end. But he knew he couldn't force something that just wasn't there, so with a quick decision, he opened the door for her. "Get home safe, Miss Uhura. 'Night..."

And just like that, she stepped out of his apartment, and he tried not to feel like it was emptier without her. He'd have to make it up to her somehow, show her that they could just be friends and nothing more. He didn't look down the hall to see her go, just closed the door and stood for a moment staring out into the candlelit apartment that looked more like a place for lovers than for someone like him. But it was better this way, he reminded himself once more.