nyota_uhura24 | [SOL! Verse - Walk a Mile in My Shoes]

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[SOL! Verse - Walk a Mile in My Shoes]

Nyota couldn't wait to get out of the house. The atmosphere had been tense ever since Kamau had come home bruised and bloody on Saturday night. She'd heard him arguing with their father the day before, but went into the room she shared with Sadiki and closed the door, not really wanting to hear anymore. They seemed to have reached a tentative truce, and she wanted to believe that the matter was over, but some part of her knew that even if they could let go of this particular incident this wasn't really the end. It wasn't the first time Kamau's choices had caused tension, and it certainly wouldn't be the last.

In any event, she was more than happy to bid farewell to her family for the evening. It wasn't even a lie to say she was going to meet a friend, even if there was no reason to inform her family that she was going to see Jim and he was going to teach her to dance. She shook off the feelings of guilt and focused on the fact that she was finally going to do something she'd been dreaming about since she was a little girl. Dancing with him in the diner was more fun than she'd ever imagined it could be. It simply felt right to move that way to the music, to be held in his arms. She wanted to feel that way again, slightly breathless but completely comfortable. In the process, she knew she'd have the opportunity to learn more about the man whose music spoke to her before they'd even introduced themselves. There was no denying that Jim was unlike anyone she'd known before; she looked forward to him constantly surprising her, and to how much she smiled when he was around. Seeing him always made her day a little brighter.

She tried to ignore the little fluttering in her chest as she got off the 2 subway at the stop closest to his house. She didn't go to the Bronx often, so she couldn't help looking around curiously as she walked to his apartment building, high heels clicking softly on the pavement. They seemed like the right shoes for dancing. When she got to the top floor she took a deep breath, feeling suddenly slightly nervous, and knocked.

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Her eyes were focused on his face as he spoke about death and children smiling in the middle of chaos. They weren't the words of someone who'd lived an ordinary life, and she wondered what it was he had seen. She didn't know what to make of the fact that she envied him that vision. He'd clearly seen things that were heartbreaking and painful, but at this point anything felt better than ignorance.

For a moment he seemed to be considering something and then he jumped up and ran into the bathroom. She stared after him, confused when she heard the bathtub turn on. He asked her to light candles, and though she had no idea what he was thinking she walked over to the kitchen lit a candle. She was glancing around in hopes of finding a candlestick when Jim grabbed her hand and pulled her and the lamp into the bathroom.

She still wasn't sure where he was going with all this until he tossed the lamp into the bathtub. She jerked back slightly as sparks went flying, and then everything went dark. The only light remaining was the candle in her hand. For a long moment she just blinked in surprise, trying to process what had just happened.

And then she cracked up. She had to lean against the wall for support, pressing a hand to her face as she nearly collapsed in peals of laughter. Jim was completely and utterly ridiculous, but he'd just effectively shown her that if you wanted to transform your world, it might be as simple as that. It took her a few moments to quell her laughter long enough to actually say anything. “And just like that our whole world changes,” she said, feeling more relaxed than she could remember feeling in a long time. She smiled fondly at him, watching the candlelight flicker across his face. “I take it back. I don't think there's anyone like you, Jim,” she said, still laughing. She let out a long breath. “I didn't mean to sound so morose. I'm not about to give up so easily on finding my own happiness. And as for my setting.. I'm here with you, aren't I? Learning to dance and watching you short-circuit your building's electricity. And hopefully next week I'll be singing during business hours at the diner.” Her smile turned slightly contemplative. “I'm not going to be able to do everything I wish I could, but I'm going to learn to dance, and maybe... Maybe there's hope for the rest of it, as well.”

She couldn't quite voice her other wishes aloud, because she wasn't sure how much hope there really was, but something about Jim's antics made her want to believe that it was. For the moment, however, she was sure of one thing: she was going to treasure this strange memory. She couldn't remember the last time she'd laughed quite this hard. “Jim, are we going to continue the dance lesson in the dark?"

There was a long moment where he was sure she'd call him insane and storm out, and he tensed as he waited for the other shoe to drop. But then... Then she surprised him once more and laughed. Really laughed and it was possibly one of the best sounds he'd ever heard. The sound was infectious and soon, he was laughing along with her, each disgruntled yell from one of his neighbors prompting another fit of laughter until he had tears in his eyes and was clutching his stomach.

It seemed he'd made his point come across loud and clear, though, and he nodded as she spoke, trying to catch his breath. "Yep! Just like that," he laughed and marveled at the light in her eyes, at her smile, and at the simple fact he'd put it there by blowing every fuse in the building. He'd blow every fuse in the city to see that look on her face again, he thought suddenly, then blinked at the strange notion.

Words weighed on the tip of his tongue, waiting anxiously for him to speak them, words about how beautiful she was in the candlelight, about how he wanted to taste her lips to see if her laughter was as sweet as its sound, but he bit them back and listened to her speak. "I know there's no one like you," he replied softly and brought his hand up to cup her face in a gentle caress. "Don't ever give up hope, don't ever stop fighting for what you deserve. The day we stop fighting is the day we let bigotry and hate win."

Though his voice was still full of amusement, there was a serious and melancholy note in it, and he leaned in to press a chaste kiss to her forehead. Innocent and brief as it was, it made his heart skip a beat and he quickly pulled back with a sheepish smile before he got carried away and did something more, something he couldn't take back.

"In the dark and without music. Hmmm..." he mulled over her question and took her hand again to lead her out of the bathroom, moving slowly so the candle wouldn't blow out, then got out more candles and some candlesticks from a cupboard. "I think I've got a better idea..." After placing candles randomly around the room, he guided her to the chair in the corner and flopped down on the floor in front of her. "You've been an excellent student today," he smiled up at her and reached out for one of her feet, carefully unbuckling her shoe and sliding it off before pressing his thumbs lightly to the sole. "So you've deserved the very special Kirk footrub. Now, I don't do this for just anyone, or after every lesson, so if you want one in the future, you'll have to keep up the good work." It was almost a plausible explanation, and one he hoped covered for the fact that he really just wanted to keep touching her.

It shouldn't make her laugh harder that the neighbors were yelling about the lack of light, but everything was hilarious right now, and she simply couldn't stop shaking with mirth. Soon he was laughing along with her, and the sound rang through the apartment, clear and bright and perfect, just like his eyes and his smile and his music. Whenever she managed to momentarily calm her giggle fit, she just smiled at him, not quite sure how to express her gratitude at the fact that he'd short-circuited the electricity just for her.

Her laughter quieted a little as he cupped her cheek and told her there was no one like her. “I won't give up,” she said quietly. “And that's a promise. I've never been very good at giving up anyway.” Jim made her want so badly to hope for something better, and while part of her protested that she was being naïve, right now she didn't care. Right now she wanted to live in hope. Besides, my life is already better now that Jim is part of it, she realized with a strange jolt.

She smiled up at him, eyes widening slightly when he pressed a kiss to her forehead. The simple touch did something strange to her heart, and it felt as if she could feel his lips against her skin even though he'd pulled away. She tried to shake off the unfamiliar emotions and hoped her blush wasn't too obvious in the candlelight.

Her heartbeat wouldn't slow down as he took her hand and led her out of the bathroom. The candles he set up transformed the room into something that looked more like a fairy tale than a New York apartment. He really can transform our world, she thought, and then almost laughed at the strange thought. “I'm sure your idea will be strange and wonderful,” she replied, amused and curious as he led her over to a chair and dropped to the floor in front of her. Her brow furrowed in confusion as he reached for her foot and started to unbuckle the fastenings of her shoe. When he explained his intentions, her eyes widened again in surprise. A foot rub sounded unbelievably nice, but he shouldn't be doing all this for her. All the attention he lavished on her kept the blush on her cheeks. “Jim, that's very thoughtful, but you really don't have to do that...”

How this evening had turned from him giving her a dancing lesson and trying valiantly to restrain himself, to him sitting in front of her and trying valiantly to restrain himself as he rubbed her feet, he didn't think he'd ever know. But somewhere along the line, maybe when she'd opened up to him, it had become more acceptable for him to do the same. To let himself go, just a little bit, and be more at ease with her. That it had the side effect of him letting on that he was attracted to her... Well, she hadn't shot him down yet, so it wasn't a problem until one of them made it one.

Holding her ankle with one hand, his fingers idly caressing it, he used the fingers of the other to work the soreness from her foot. "I don't have to, no," he agreed conversationally and gave her an earnest look. "But have you considered that I might want to?"

Letting the question hang in the air, he dropped his gaze to his fingers on her skin, wondering just how she'd managed to sweep the rug so thoroughly out from under his own feet. He hadn't even noticed she'd done it, but it was beginning to dawn on him just what was going on and how very dangerous a game he was getting himself caught up in. Times like this, he wished more than anything that Sam was around to give him a firm smack upside his thick head and knock some sense into it. Now, there was nothing but the ghost of a voice to chastise him, tease him mercilessly and then ask him gently if this was as serious as he thought it was.

"I don't give up either, I've never known how," he muttered, more to voices that had been forever silenced than to her as the ghost in his mind rolled his eyes and mussed Jim's hair with an affectionate laugh.

She wasn't entirely sure how they'd ended up sitting in the candlelight with his hands gently caressing her feet, but she couldn't bring herself to complain, especially when it felt so unbelievably good. Her feet were sore from the dancing, and a contented sigh escaped her lips as his fingers untangled the pain and tightness in her muscles. Her eyelashes fluttered a little.

The corners of her mouth ticked upwards in a smile at his words. “You want to teach me to dance. You want to rub my feet. The things you want always work out so well for me,” she replied, amused and a little confused that he wanted to rub her feet. “And I've found something else you're good at,” she added, looking down at him fondly. “Though this is one favor I can return. I give good massages.” She leaned back a little in the chair, relaxing under his touch even though she couldn't quite keep her eyes off his hands on her skin.

Why is he doing all this? Part of her was convinced that it was just because he was a generous person. She'd known him long enough to know that kindness was a part of his personality, but that didn't really explain all the things he did for her. She wanted to believe it was because he cared for her, because she knew she was becoming attached to him. In fact, she was fairly certain she was addicted to his presence. She didn't really know what to do with that thought, except hope that he'd continue to be a part of her life.

He muttered that he didn't know how to give up, and something in his voice made her uncertain if he was even talking to her. She answered anyway, voice quiet because it felt right to speak quietly in the candlelight. “I hope you never learn.”

Her voice brought him out of his maudlin trip down memory lane, and he looked up at her as she spoke, taking in the sight of her; relaxed, happy and about to melt into the chair. He kind of wanted to keep her like that forever, just in this moment with him and the soft light from the candles dancing on her face. Yep, he thought with a voice that wasn't his own. You've got it bad, Jimmy.

The fond look in her eyes as she smiled at him made a tiny shimmer of hope flutter in his chest. Maybe there was a chance that fondness would be something more one day. But then she efficiently killed all fanciful musings with her next comment. A massage. It had been years since he'd had one, but that wasn't the reason his eyes widened incredulously. A massage would mean her hands on his skin. More precisely, on his naked back. "That would--" he paused and tried to keep his imagination from running away with him. "I can't actually remember the last time I had a massage."

He worried his lip and picked up her other foot to give it the same treatment, never taking his eyes off her. "Did you mean now? After I'm done with your feet, or..." he trailed off, trying not to let it show just how much he wanted that. It was insane, it was going to be hell to keep his body from reacting too obviously, but it would be worth every second to feel her hands on him.

It felt as if she were about to melt as he kept massaging her feet, and she couldn't withhold small hums and sighs of satisfaction. They were getting slightly louder, so she bit her lip in an attempt to quiet them, but let her eyes flutter closed for a moment. He really was much too good at this. She could almost fall asleep under his ministrations.

He seemed a little startled by her offer, and she opened her eyes to look down at him curiously. Was it really so surprising that she'd want to do something for him when he did so much for her? “I give my siblings massages all the time,” she replied lightly, wondering at his reaction. She really should have thought of this possibility earlier. He was undoubtedly sore from dancing all the time. Besides, he was giving her such a lovely foot massage after teaching her the quickstep, cooking her dinner, and short-circuiting the electricity just to show her that it was possible to change one's environment.

And... she liked the idea of doing something that would make him feel good. She wanted to elicit the same happy sighs he was drawing from her lips. It was a strange desire, but she felt as if she'd entered some surreal, candlelit world where she could truly relax and give in to her whims. “Whenever you want,” she replied to his question, smiling down at him as he worried his lip. “Maybe when you're done with my feet? That feels wonderful, by the way.”

The sounds she was making were incredibly distracting, and if nothing else, the massage she wanted to give him would put a stop to them before he did something stupid like slide his hands up her legs, or lift her foot to kiss it. Ideas like that weren't going to get him anything but an empty apartment after she'd fled, he was sure.

She didn't seem to pick up on the difference between giving your siblings a massage and giving one to someone you weren't related to, someone of the opposite sex. Someone who might just be a little bit in love with her. He almost felt guilty for abusing her innocence like this, but she kept saying she wanted to do something for him. He reasoned that it was only fair to give her the opportunity to, even if she didn't know just what and how much she'd be doing for him. It was a flimsy excuse, but it was enough to let him allow himself to take what she offered.

"I'm glad it does, that's kinda the point of a footrub," he joked and took his time in finishing with her foot. It was the only chance he'd get to touch her like this, and he wasn't going to waste it.

Soon, however, he couldn't draw it out much longer, and he lowered her foot back to the floor. "So..." he hesitated for a moment and sat up a bit straighter. His pulse was beating a staccato rhythm in his chest, and he firmly reminded himself that he hadn't been neither a teenager nor a blushing virgin for a very long time. In a quick, decisive move, he pulled off his shirt and looked at her expectantly. "Where do you want me?"

She let herself relax completely under his touch, and just laughed softly at his comment about the point of the foot rub. It was difficult to feel anything but unbelievably happy right now, and she let her eyes drift closed again and hummed softly as he finished massaging her feet. It took her a moment to figure out that she was humming one of his songs, which made her laugh happily again.

He finally lowered her foot to the floor, and she opened her eyes. “Thank you,” she said, feeling almost blissfully relaxed. She wondered if there really was a possibility he would give her more foot massages if she was an excellent dance student, but didn't suppose she ought to get used to it.

And then he suddenly pulled his shirt off, and her heart momentarily stalled in her chest as her breath caught in her throat. Her eyes trailed down his body of their own accord, and her brain almost didn't register the question he asked her. When it finally sunk in, her eyes snapped back to his, slightly wide in surprised confusion. “Uh...” She blinked, trying to make her brain work properly. Just where has your mind gone, Nyota? she chastised. She'd already known he was handsome. Now wasn't really the time to let her mind run away with her, but she was beginning to wonder if this wasn't such a good idea after all.

Trying to shake off the reaction, she tried to actually consider his question. “Wherever you want. It would be a little easier if you were lying down, but it's up to you.”

For a long moment, she simply stared at him, and even with the low lighting, he could tell she was blushing. He was almost tempted to put his shirt back on and tell her it was okay to forget about the massage, but that would mean he'd have to call her out on her reaction, and he really didn't want to cause her more embarrassment than necessary.

Her eyes finally snapped up to meet his again, and she looked a little dazed as she tried to speak. It was a little endearing, if he was quite honest with himself. She probably hadn't ever seen a man she wasn't related to without his shirt, and he felt an odd satisfaction at the knowledge that he was the one she'd compare others to down the line.

True to form, she didn't back down from this, even if it wasn't a challenge. She even suggested he lie down, and they both knew there was really only one place in the apartment he could do that. "Okay..." he said slowly and rose to his feet, then made his way over to the bed without looking over his shoulder at her. He'd let her look her fill and grow a little more accustomed to the sight without having to worry about him catching her at it.

A devilish thought entered his mind and he knew she couldn't see the little smirk on his face when he lifted his arms over his head and stretched. Why should he be the only one affected, anyway? "This okay?" he asked innocently and laid down on his stomach, grabbing a pillow to hold his head up.

There was no way he hadn't noticed her staring, and she was immensely grateful that he didn't mention it. She kept her eyes firmly on his face, feeling a little guilty and very strange. Her heart was racing a little, and she was still having trouble breathing properly. She tired to rationalize that she just wasn't used to men she wasn't related to taking their shirts off. Embarrassed as she was, she wasn't going to withdraw her offer. She didn't know how to back out without admitting how affected she was, and she still wanted the chance to return all his kindnesses. At least, those were the reasons she repeated to herself over and over again.

Jim stood up and walked towards the bed, and she had to swallow the lump in her throat. Now that he was turned away she couldn't keep her eyes off his back, and it took her a moment to summon the gumption to stand up and follow. She was still flustered and trying desperately not to be. Just when she thought she might get her breathing under control, Jim stretched his hands over his head, making the muscles on his back stand out. The blush returned with a vengeance.

She watched him lie down and walked slowly after him. “That's fine,” she replied shortly, forcing herself to speak calmly. She wasn't going to let her reactions run away with her. “Wherever you're comfortable.” Her voice sounded a little more normal now, and she took a deep, silent breath before sitting down on the bed next to him. For a moment she couldn't quite bring herself to touch him, even though she wanted to. Her eyes wandered over his skin.

Nyota, stop being ridiculous, she chastised herself, and then placed her hands firmly on his skin. She wasn't going to let her nervousness stop her from doing this right. She started by just running her hands along both sides of his spine, gradually increasing pressure with the heals of her hands. Then she worked over the muscles with slow, circular motions, taking note of the numerous knots to return to later. Next her hands moved to rub slow circles over his shoulder blades, working up towards his neck. It was an easy routine to fall into, and she tried not to think too hard about what she was doing. She was glad he couldn't see her face anymore, because she was still blushing, and she was certain he must be able to hear her heart racing.

Even though she tried to keep her voice calm, there was a slight breathlessness in it that betrayed how the sight of him affected her. The thought that he was even able to get a response like that from her sent a little thread of heat weaving up his spine. It made accepting the massage from her a little easier on his conscience, made it feel a little less like he was taking advantage.

As he heard her move closer, he turned his face into the pillow, crossing his arms over his head to support it. The bed dipped a little when she sat down, and he tensed a little in anticipation. She hesitated and he had a moment's fear that she might change her mind, but then her hands were on his skin. Despite anticipating the touch, it made him suck it a sharp breath, then release it on a contented sigh as her hands moved up his back.

He hadn't been lying when he'd said it had been years since he'd last had a massage, but he couldn't remember ever having one that felt like this. Each move of her hands both electrified and relaxed him, and though he bit down on his lip, he couldn't keep in a soft groan as she started in on his shoulders. "God, that feels great," he mumbled into the pillow, feeling the tension drain away from his muscles.

If she was nervous or apprehensive about this, he couldn't tell. Her hands were sure and practiced, and while the fact that they were her hands made each touch almost impossibly arousing, he couldn't help melting into the mattress under her ministrations.

She didn't trust herself to say anything more, because she knew how much her voice was giving away. When she'd offered to give him a massage she'd had no idea she would react this way. But I should have known, she scolded himself. I always react so strangely to him. The gasp that escaped his lips when she finally put her hands on him sent another little shiver through her, but she continued moving her hands purposefully over his skin.

The groan made her breath catch in her throat, and she had to force herself not to continue, kneading harder now that the muscles were warmed up. She tried to ignore the way the sound affected her, the way his compliment made her stomach squirm a little. “That's kind of the point of the massage,” she teased, though it didn't come out quite as confidently as she wanted it to.

She kept working over his shoulders for a while, finding more than a few knots and rubbing gentle circles over them with the pad of her thumb before gradually increasing the pressure to work them out of his muscles. Eventually she started to move her hands down the sides of his spine again, rubbing in circular motions and pausing to work out knots and kinks. She tried to focus on kneading the muscles and not the fact that touching his bare skin was sending little tendrils of sensation running up through her fingers. She'd never touched anyone she wasn't related to like this, and it was completely different than giving massages to her siblings. Or maybe it's just because it's Jim...

If this was what he got in return for dancing lessons and a foot rub, he'd have no problem spending years teaching her every dance step he knew and rubbing her feet after. Though there was a bit of soreness when she worked the knots out of his muscles, it wasn't anywhere near painful. It felt much too good to be associated with any kind of pain, and he breathed deeply in time with the strokes of her hands.

She returned his earlier remark about massages, and he smiled into the pillow. Her voice was still a little hesitant, but where it lacked confidence, her hands more than made up for it. "I'll have to start watching my mouth around you," he muttered amusedly, much too aware of the double meaning in those words. "You're going to wreck havoc on my peace of mind." The addition came out on a wistful sigh, and though they were technically still talking about her parroting his words, it wasn't what he meant. She was already turning his world on its ear, and it scared him that he felt so much for her already.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, a voice commented dryly that it was a classic Jim Kirk move to fall hopelessly for the one girl he could never have, that he always got himself caught in impossible situations. No no-win scenarios. They didn't exist for him, and he wouldn't let this prove him wrong.

Her hands moved lower, and she attacked each bit on tension like she did the challenges he threw at her. A little grunt escaped him when she dug her thumbs into a particularly nasty knot, but he hurried to reassure her. "S'alright, keep going. In fact, don't ever stop..."

She nodded in satisfaction as his breathing evened out. Even though she was still a little breathless and hypersensitive to the feel of his skin under her hands, she was relaxing into the routine of working out the knots in his back. She could feel him relaxing under her hands, and it brought a smile to her face to know that she was drawing the tension from his muscles and making him melt into the mattress. She worked down both sides of his spine, then focused on just the right side, alternating hands as she pressed against his skin. Then both hands worked their way up the left side.

She raised an eyebrow when he said he's have to watch his mouth around her. “You don't strike me as someone who's good at watching his mouth,” she replied lightly, grateful that her voice finally sounded almost normal. His next words, however, made her brow knit in confusion even as they sent a little thrill of excitement through her that she didn't entirely understand. He was talking about their verbal sparring, not about her bizarre wish that she was transforming his world the same way he was transforming hers. “I'm trying to increase your peace of mind, not wreck havoc on it,” she teased, still trying to keep the words light even though other emotions were creeping into her voice.

He grunted when she dug her thumb into another knot, and she might have stopped if he hadn't told her to keep going, to never stop... She swallowed hard. “If I never stopped you're going to end up very sore,” she murmured, finishing on the knot and then moving her hands up to knead his shoulders and then his neck. The candlelight flickered over his back, and she was a little mesmerized by the light bending over his skin as she massaged it.

His eyes had long since drifted shut, and as the silence stretched out between the few words they exchanged, his mind conjured up fanciful images of what might have been had the world been different. In a different world, he could have turned over and pulled her into his arms, he could have looked openly into her eyes and let her see the depth of emotion in his, he could have leaned in for a soft kiss and spent the whole night making love to her in the candlelight. In another world, he could have allowed himself to love her freely instead of having to fight against it with each breath he took.

He snorted at her comment that he wasn't good at watching his mouth. "You'd be surprised." If there was one thing he was extremely conscious of, it was what he said and the effect it had on others. Yet somehow, she managed to make him over speak more than anyone else had in years.

Her voice took on a new timbre, one he hadn't heard before, and he concentrated on trying to interpret what the change meant. It wasn't easy to concentrate on much of anything though, not with the way her hands kneaded and caressed his skin, leaving fiery passion in their wake. A small shudder ran through him before he could stop it, and he huffed out what was supposed to be and amused laugh. "I think it might just be worth it," he mused, thinking that he'd suffer much worse than soreness to keep her in this moment forever.

Jim's muscles were relaxed from her early ministrations, and she could finally move to deeper movements, using both hands to squeeze and roll the muscles under her hands. As she did so she tried to identify what it was she was feeling, what desires were creeping into her voice. While her body's reaction was something she'd rather not think about, there was something else there too. This was about more than just wanting to do something nice for him; this was about wanting to affect him. She wanted her words and touches to cause in him the same strong emotions that he caused in her. It didn't seem like a terribly realistic wish, because most of their friendship seemed to be about him teaching and helping and encouraging her, but she couldn't help wishing that in some way she could do the same for him.

“I don't want you to keep your mouth shut around me, either,” she said softly, remembering their earlier conversation. She couldn't feel any more knots in his back, so she started gradually decreasing the pressure, rubbing up and down his back to soothe the muscles. Her eyes were glued to his skin, her hands sensitive to his every slight movement, so the little shudder that ran through him seemed to reverberate through her, making her breath hitch ever so slightly. She managed to laugh softly when he said it might be worth it. “I'll take that as a compliment,” she replied, continuing to decrease the pressure of her hands until she was just rubbing gentle, soothing circles over his skin. “But I'm about done, unless there's anything I've missed.”

Her movements gradually softened and slowed, and he chastised himself for feeling bereft of her touch already. She was still rubbing his back gently, her touch more caressing than massaging, so it was stupid to feel like she'd already pulled away. While she'd requested that he speak as openly as he'd asked her to, he very much doubted she knew just how dangerous a thing she asked of him. He swallowed thickly, hoping his voice didn't come across as hoarse with need and desire as it sounded to his own ears.

"I want so many things... Maybe someday, I'll be able to tell you about them," he murmured and turned his head to look at her. He had no doubt he was a little flushed, his eyes betraying his desire, but he had a vague hope she wouldn't know how to interpret the look. Shifting a little, he bit back a moan as the movement caused some rather pleasurable but entirely inappropriate friction to his groin. He'd need more than a moment to calm himself before he was anywhere near presentable to see her to the door, or even stand up, despite the low lighting of the room.

Her hands were still moving in tantalizing circles over his skin, and it was almost as if she was as reluctant to end the contact as he was. It stoked a small hope withing him, and maybe he was deluding himself, but he'd at least let himself take this small chance. Unwinding his arms from under the pillow, he rested his head on one and reached out with the other to put his hand on her knee, watching with fascination as his thumb caressed her lightly. "I don't know, is there? Something you've missed?" His eyes flicked up to her face, looking at her openly and guilelessly.

She was still tracing light patterns on his back, and even though she really could have stopped already it was pleasant to keep touching him like this. It's beneficial to soothe the muscles, she thought firmly, not understanding why she felt the need to justify what she was doing. His words made her brow furrow slightly in confusion, and she couldn't quite interpret the hoarseness in his voice. The way he looked at her was even stranger, but it made her heart flutter even though she didn't know what she was seeing in his eyes. Why can't he tell me now? “You can tell me whatever you want to tell me,” she said softly.

The moment his hand touched her knee, a shock of heat went through her, and she tore her gaze away from his eyes to watch his thumb move over her skin. Then she looked back at his face, at that open but somehow completely unreadable expression. “I... don't think so?” She hadn't meant it to come across as a question, but she felt as if she didn't even know what he was asking her, much less how to answer. She bit down on the urge to reply I think I missed something important and just tried to smile. Suddenly she realized that she was still running her hands along his skin, and she pulled them back. “It's getting late, Jim. I should probably go home. Can I.. come back next week?”

A few long, tense moments passed where each slide of his thumb on her knee sent little sparks of heat up through his hand and through his body, only to be ricocheted by the feel of her hands on his back. His eyes fluttered a little, but he kept her gaze locked with his, awaiting her response.

It came, and the small hope he'd kindled extinguished. He lowered his eyes and withdrew his hand just after she removed hers. He felt the loss of contact keenly, but it was for the best, he'd obviously misread the situation and now, he just had to suck it up and move on. Easy, right? He did it all the time, just take a deep breath, set your jaw and move on...

"Yeah, of course. Not letting you off that easy, you still have a lot to learn," he sighed and turned his face into the pillow again, stretching his body to its full length and tried to will his arousal to dissipate. It worked. A little. Not nearly enough. "Gimme a moment and I'll walk you out," he said with a bitten back groan as he shifted a little and recited about ten different cardinalities in his head.

Nyota tried not to feel bereft when Jim took away both the blue of his eyes and the strange heat his fingers sent through her. The way he had touched her and looked at her made it almost seem as if... but that's impossible. There's no way he could...

But even if he didn't, she couldn't deny that even though he was no longer touching her, she still felt tingly and warm, in places that didn't normally react this way to simple touches. She tried to keep the horror off her face as the meaning of these reactions slowly started to sink in. It was completely and utterly inappropriate to feel this way, and she desperately tried to will away daydreams of what it would be like to keep touching him.

It was a relief that his face was turned into the pillow, but it still took her a moment to realize that he'd actually responded to her question. “I'm looking forward to it,” she managed. “I... I need a glass of water.” She stood up and tried to keep herself from running away from the bed, vowing that he would never know that she reacted this way to him. This was why there was supposed to be a limit to how much men and women who weren't married touched each other, but it felt so natural to do this with Jim, especially after the dancing and the foot massage. She forced herself to take deep breaths and refilled her water glass, finally remembering that she probably ought to offer to get him some as well. "Do you want some water?" she asked, hoping that her voice sounded normal.

If he hadn't been battling his own inappropriate reaction, hers would have made him get up and apologize. It was clear by the tone of her voice that he'd made her uncomfortable, and he just hoped she hadn't guessed the exact reason why he wasn't able to get up right away.

Even in her moves were still carefully measured to seem calm, it didn't take a genius to know just how much distance she wanted to put between them right now. He mentally kicked himself for being an idiot and mumbled out a polite "No thanks," into the pillow, knowing his voice sounded just a little bit strained.

Her reaction did have if not its good sides, then at least its effective ones. It helped too that she'd put some distance between them, and he pushed himself up and sat on the bed, still feeling a need to apologize to her. He doubted it would do anything but embarrass her further if he did, though, so he wisely kept his mouth shut and ran a hand through his hair before he got up. It was dark enough that she hopefully wouldn't be able to tell the lingering effects of the massage, and he'd mostly gotten himself under control now.

He waited until she'd drained her glass of water, then moved to the door. "So, I'll see you Thursday at the diner? We can talk more about our plans for Christmas then, if you've had a chance to run them by your father..." Remembering that she'd left her coat on the armchair, he moved to get it and held it out for her to put on. He had an unpleasant feeling his mom would be proud of his display of manners.

She nodded at his reply, which was pointless because he wasn't looking at her, but she couldn't quite bring herself to speak. Her mind was still reeling from the fact that touching him made her want, in ways that she really shouldn't. She gulped down the glass of water and tried to calm her racing heart.

When he finally stood, she resisted the urge to bolt, sure that she must be giving herself away. “I'll talk to him,” she said, not quite able to meet his eyes as she walked towards the door. “It might take a little convincing, but I think he'll agree.” She tried to focus her mind on the plans they'd made for Christmas, not the fact that just hearing him speak sent a little shiver through her.

He brought her coat, and she turned so that he could help her put it on. “Thank you,” she managed, feeling inordinately guilty. She was fairly certain he could tell she was acting strangely, and that wasn't fair after everything he'd done for her. I don't want to ruin this, she thought firmly, and after her coat was on she turned to face him, the smile on her face far more genuine as she remembered everything he'd done for her today. “Thank you for the dance lessons, for dinner, for the foot massage... and for showing me that my surroundings aren't as hard to change as I sometimes think they are.” And for making me laugh when I sort of wanted to cry. “Goodnight, Jim.”

She most of all reminded him of a deer caught in the headlights of a car whenever he got within five feet of her, and he did his best to give her the distance she obviously desired. It concerned him because he really had tried to be discreet about it all, but he'd obviously crossed a line he shouldn't and offended her.

He doubted she'd be back the following Monday, even if she said so now. If there was one thing he'd learned about her, it was that she was impeccably polite when she was uncertain or uncomfortable. And he'd just been a completely insensitive ass and made her uncomfortable, all because she happened to be beautiful and intelligent and everything he really liked in a woman.

He was very careful not to touch her more than absolutely necessary when he helped her on with her coat, and it seemed to work, because her smile was more genuine, more like it had been earlier when she turned around to face him again. "You're more than welcome," he responded in earnest to her thanks and clamped firmly down on the impulse to touch her cheek again.

He hesitated a moment, reluctant to let her go, reluctant to let this night end. But he knew he couldn't force something that just wasn't there, so with a quick decision, he opened the door for her. "Get home safe, Miss Uhura. 'Night..."

And just like that, she stepped out of his apartment, and he tried not to feel like it was emptier without her. He'd have to make it up to her somehow, show her that they could just be friends and nothing more. He didn't look down the hall to see her go, just closed the door and stood for a moment staring out into the candlelit apartment that looked more like a place for lovers than for someone like him. But it was better this way, he reminded himself once more.

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[SOL! Verse - Walk a Mile in My Shoes]

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