nyota_uhura24 | [Key Change Verse - For Elizabethdehner]

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[Key Change Verse - For Elizabethdehner]

Every thirty seconds Nyota's mood switched between overzealous joy and abject terror. She left sickbay in a daze, walking purposefully enough that no one would talk to her but with absolutely no thoughts as to a destination. Part of her wanted to seek out John, but she knew she wasn't ready to talk to him yet. She needed to sort out some of her own feelings before she showed up at his door with the news.

It was supposed to be a routine medical examination. By now she and Leo were friends, albeit not very close friends, and they'd been talking amiably when suddenly he stopped mid-sentence. Before she could even ask what was wrong he told her. "You're pregnant." There was no sugar-coating, just the words, just like that. She'd stared at him for a long, incredulous moment, and then let out a slightly hysterical laugh. The rest of the conversation was about as awkward as any she'd had in quite a while, though they both tried to keep the discussion professional. Apparently the electric fields on Meridius II had made her birth control implant malfunction. As soon as McCoy started talking about her "options" and prenatal care she'd stopped him and asked if they could postpone the remainder of the conversation. Then she'd fled out the door.

A baby. A child. A new life. It was utterly wonderful and completely terrifying. She'd always wanted to have children, had daydreamed about having them with John, but not yet. And certainly not without any discussion whatsoever. We would have such beautiful children - which is not at all the point. She didn't even know if he wanted kids, didn't even know if he -

Her thought process was interrupted by the realization that she was standing outside the open door of Liz's office. She almost turned around and left, but she desperately needed to not be alone with her tumultuous thoughts right now. Her thoughts... Liz will know any minute, if she doesn't already. She took a deep breath and walked inside, rapping her fist lightly against the the open door. "Hey..."

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Liz hadn't been expecting anyone, but once Uhura was within fifty feet, she heard the very loud thoughts coming from her. It wasn't unlike her to overheard a voice or two and usually she was good at ignoring it, but this was a familiar mind with a very frantic thread of thoughts running through her. She pretended not to notice, knowing that she Uhura wouldn't want her to know yet. Usually Liz was one to block everyone and she'd managed to master that skill over time on the ship, but it didn't meant that she always was, especially if she was too busy zoning out on finalizing notes.

She looked up when she heard her finally knock on the door. Liz smiled, brushing her red hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear. She lifted a hand and gestured for her to come inside, holding down her desire to blurt out that she knew what had happened already and that Uhura could talk to her if she needed it. Obviously that bit was already known since she was indeed still standing there. "Hi," she smiled, "want to shut the door?" No use in pretending she didn't already know that there was something up. Liz could have seen that even without being telepathic.

She let out a slightly relieved sigh at Liz's question and quickly shut the door but didn't sit down. She had too much nervous energy for that; it was all she could do not to start pacing Liz's office. It was a little terrifying that Liz could no doubt hear the thoughts rushing through her mind - she recalled her friend telling her she thought loudly - but that was part of the reason her feet had led her here. With Liz she didn't have to explain everything. Liz could hear what was still difficult to say. "You already know, don't you?" she blurted out, and then pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes. Get a hold of yourself, Nyota, she instructed firmly, willing herself to calm down. Then she looked up at Liz again, a smile on her face and concern in her eyes, and whispered, "I still don't quite believe it."

Liz didn't say anything at first. She let Nyota work out whatever was happening in her head before she bothered to say anything and even then, she waited for a question to be directed at her. When she asked if she already knew, Liz answered with a simple 'yes' and fell silent again. By time Nyota had finally met her eyes, she was looking both confused and happy. She could understand the feelings. Liz, who wanted children of her own, would have been elated. Granted the situation wasn't the best timing and space was never when one wanted to have a kid, but it was what it was and she'd just have to decide what to do.

"It'll sink in," she said softly, a kind smile on her face. "Would you please sit down. You are making me jittery," Liz laughed lightly and leaned back in her chair a little bit.

"Ah, sorry," she apologized, feeling a little ridiculous for not being calmer, but it was difficult when her emotions were still running rampant. Forcing herself to sit down and take a few deep breaths, she began again. "The timing is all wrong. We're still on a deep space mission, and even if it's a little old fashioned I always assumed I'd be married before I had children. Besides, I don't even know if John wants children. I certainly never wanted to just spring this on him, but... but it's a child. Our child." Her hand rested on her torso, completely floored by the knowledge that there was a life growing inside her. She couldn't keep the wonder off her face, or the happiness. Glancing up at Liz again she shrugged helplessly and admitted, as if it weren't completely obvious, "I'm just completely out of sorts."

Elizabeth didn't expect her to be calm, but she also knew that pacing and letting herself panic would only make it worse. The world wasn't ending, it was taking plans into it's own hands, is all. Liz moved out from the desk, knowing that having it between them was always a strange thing for people, which is why she had two more comfortable chair beside each other in her office for when people needed to talk, which is where she took a seat. Right now, Nyota was getting it out. It was the best way for her, too.

"First of all, we're nearly at the end. You won't be due until just after we are back on Earth, so that part of it will be fine. Plenty of people have had kids out here and been just fine. Secondly, we don't get to choose timing. We like to think we can plan everything, but we can't. I know that reliability on things like contraception and whatever else are what we are taught to expect, but we can't always expect that," Liz leaned forward in her seat, elbows on her knees. "Regardless of what John wants, what you need to understand is this is what you have right now and all you can do is deal with it. Its too late to worry about what had happened, because it's a done deal. Now it's up to you to decide, because he doesn't get to have a say. I'm sure you know you have options," she said gingerly. Liz hated the idea of terminating a pregnancy, but only because she wanted her own children so badly she didn't care when it happened. Okay, Nyota had a point. Space was not the place to be pregnant, but it was as it was.

As usual, Liz was making a great deal of sense. The end of the mission might be a little difficult, but if everything went well she would be having her baby back on Earth. Her eyes widened a little at the next words. She knew what her options were, but there was really only one choice she could make. "I completely support a woman's right to choose what happens to her body, but... this baby already feels like a part of me," she said quietly. Even though she'd just heard and was still in a state of shock, she already loved the child. And the child's father was the man she loved more than anything, the man who had made her life so much richer and happier. She couldn't do anything to harm his child.

"I couldn't get rid of it," she continued. "I just... I couldn't." It was strange to realize she'd already made a decision, but it wasn't a difficult decision at all. "But I don't know how to tell John. I'm afraid of what this is going to do to our relationship and to our careers, and I'm sure neither of us is ready..." She'd always wanted to be a mother, but that didn't mean she felt anywhere near prepared for it. But maybe no one ever really did. It just felt overwhelming, so much so that it was hard to calm down enough to really think about what needed to be done.

Liz nodded. She felt the same way, but she didn't feel it was her place to interject at the moment. When Nyota finally got to the part about not knowing how to tell John, she sighed and shook her head. "No one is ready even when they think they are. I've counseled new parents before and believe me, they are never as ready as they think they are. You can't expect it to turn your life upside down even though nothing will stay the same," Liz smiled.

"Look, people always think that the big changes like this are going to uproot their lives completely, but that's not true. What happens isn't that you have your life with an added stress or a new obstacle or a bigger commitment; it doesn't change what you already have, it recreates it completely. Once you have this baby, your life won't be added to, it will be renewed and suddenly you won't know what it was like without that little one," Liz leaned back in her chair, the smile remaining, "as for telling John, just tell him. Don't think too hard about it. He has to know and you will say it and deal with it then. You can't guess at how he will respond because it will only make you more nervous. All I can say is that I've had enough conversations and psych evaluations with him to tell you that John is one of the only people on this ship that barely bats an eye at stress. He deals with it without flinching. I don't know how he does it, but I don't think this will be any different."

It was comforting to hear that no one was ever really ready. But how could they be? She had experience looking after her younger siblings and cousins, but that wasn't the same as having her own child to care for. She'd never shied away from responsibility and she wasn't about to start now in spite of the fact that she was already worried about not giving this child everything it needed. But what I've always wanted is to show a child the same love my parents showed me, to give a son or daughter that same support and to make them truly believe they can accomplish anything. There was a small pang at the fact that her mother would never see her children, but she assuaged the pain with the knowledge that her mother would smile so very happily if she was here.

"John's remarkable at dealing with stress," she replied quietly, "But I know things still affect him, even if he doesn't always show it." His responses might be far more mild than most people's, but she knew he still felt deeply about the things he cared about. Liz's words about how big a change it was were both empowering and terrifying. "You're right. It'll be a complete recreation of the life we have now. And that new life is one I've wanted for almost as long as I can remember. I just hope I can do right by this child, that I can be as good to him or her as my parents were to me..."

"You are definitely worrying about the wrong thing," Liz added with a smile. "You will do everything you can for this baby and I promise it will be enough. You aren't one to take responsibility lightly and I know this won't be any different." Liz knew how scary it had to be for Nyota. The shock of it was probably the scariest part, but after it settled in, she'd be ecstatic. She could tell that Nyota really wanted to be excited, but she was too nervous to let it take over.

Liz shrugged, "You'll be just fine. I'm sure of it. And John will be exactly what you need him to be."

Nyota wasn't one to doubt her abilities, but this was decidedly new territory and was far too important for her to screw up. She fervently hoped that Liz was right and that she'd do a good job raising her child. The last words made her lips curve in a small, almost hesitant smile. "He will," she agreed softly. "He always is." Somehow he always seemed to know exactly what she needed, and while Nyota had always hated the idea of needing to rely too heavily on anyone, John made her feel comfortable borrowing his strength. She trusted him even with her moments of weakness.

"I will do everything I can for the child," she added. "Everything I possibly can. I've always wanted kids. I want to give them the same love and support my parents gave me." The smile stayed on her face, even if it was still a little uncertain. She really did want to just be happy.

Liz let her talk it out to herself. She knew that at this point, she was really only a sounding board, which was a lot of being a psychiatrist anyway. When she was playing shrink, she was just an empathic ear to speak to. She didn't have a problem with that in any way; it was part of what she liked about her job. She wanted to make sure everyone had someone to lean on and hope that when things were all wrong, they'd get better.

"Sounds like you have it all sorted out," she replied, "obviously there's a lot still to go through, but you are as ready as you'll ever be. Now, you need to plan to tell John."

The idea of seeking out a psychiatrist was never one she'd been particularly comfortable with, but talking to Liz just felt like talking to a friend. Nyota had grown comfortable enough with her that she could seek her out in moments of distress. Of course, normally she relied most heavily on John, but she'd needed to sort out her own emotions before she brought this to him.

The idea of talking to him about it was both exciting and a little daunting. Liz was right that speculating on his reaction was a good way to go crazy, but she couldn't quite seem to help it. "I'll tell him tonight," she resolved. "The sooner we talk about it the sooner I can stop worrying about his reaction."

"That sounds like a plan," she replied gently. Liz didn't think of herself as a shrink to her friends, but she couldn't really help it. It bled into her life, so she quickly became the one to talk to when things needed to be discussed. With a smile she leaned back in her chair, relaxing a little. "So, did you have any idea? Or was it a complete shock today?" she asked curiously. Liz couldn't help herself.

At the question she laughed softly and shook her head. "No idea whatsoever. I have a birth control implant that's supposed to keep this from happening, but apparently the electric fields on Meridius II caused it to malfunction. I was in medical for a routine checkup and McCoy discovered the pregnancy. Which was... not as awkward as it could have been, I suppose." Her tone and thoughts made it clear that it was still quite awkward. "I got him to agree to postponing the rest of the prenatal care conversation so I could flee out the door."

"Oh no!" Liz laughed a little, but only because it was kind of funny. Liz, too, had the implant, which concerned her now that she knew Nyota's wasn't functioning when they had gone by. Liz probably would have noticed by now if she had been pregnant, since she was fairly attentive to what he body did to her. "McCoy will survive," she added with a laugh, "You'll want to go in and get a proper check up, too. I'm sure you know that."

"It shouldn't be a problem for anyone who wasn't on the away mission," she clarified. Liz's laughter made her laugh, too. "I'm sure he'll be fine. It was just very unexpected for both of us. He's no doubt moved on by now, and I think we're friends, though we don't talk much about anything romantic..." She shrugged; a little awkwardness wouldn't keep her from doing what was necessary for her child, and a little time to process would no doubt make her next visit much less awkward. "Of course I'll get a proper check up. I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize the baby's health."

"That's good, at least," she was mildly relieved about it. Nyota said she'd get checked out, which she knew she would. Maybe it was the doctor in her that wanted to be sure that she did just that. Liz was happy for her, though. It may have been unexpected and unplanned and completely out of nowhere, but it wasn't the end of the world. In fact, it sounded like it would be something amazing for her. "I guess all that's left is to talk to your man," she smiled.

Nyota knew she'd be seeing doctors a lot in the coming months. She'd also have to inform command, and while she was perfectly willing to do her duties she had someone else to think about now. Someone far more important than her. This was not at all what she was expecting, but the more she thought about it the more incredible it seemed. "I guess so," she agreed. "And then I'll send a message home to my family."

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[Key Change Verse - For Elizabethdehner]

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